Journey 324: Anger as a Map

As this amazing week of insights and revelations is concluding, I spent time today thinking about anger. I don’t like anger…expressing it or being the object of it. Anger is one of the emotions I learned to shut down at an early age. And not just because I thought “nice” people shouldn’t get angry. I didn’t like the accompanying feeling of losing control. 

It’s not that I can’t experience anger. Although I am slow to reach a place of wrath, once there, I simmer in it for quite some time. Therefore, I’d rather not go there at all. So when Week Three in The Artist’s Way began the chapter with anger, my immediate response was discomfort. I didn’t want to read about it. 

To my surprise, I really appreciate what the author, Julia Cameron, says. She calls anger fuel. We experience it and we want to do something. Hit someone, break something, yell, attack, throw a fit. On an energetic level, I understand that. When my granddaughter Aubrey was a toddler, she would throw things when she was angry or frustrated. The act of heaving a toy would release the build up of energy that the anger was causing and then she would be fine. Smart baby. It doesn’t seem so appropriate when an adult flings an object, and yet he is doing the same thing…releasing pent up energy. 

Julia points out that while people have all these reactions to anger…from acting out to burying it…few listen to anger. I sure haven’t. I attempt to avoid it, shut it up, ignore it. But anger is meant to be listened to. It’s a map, says Julia, meant to show us our boundaries, show us where we want to go, and where we have been that we didn’t particularly like. Anger points a finger, not at others, but in a direction that we need to go.

Instead of acting in anger, it is the fuel to take the actions we need, to move where our anger points us. An example is:

“Blast him! I could make a better film than that! (Anger says – You want to make movies? Learn how.) 

My beliefs about anger have shifted as a result of this section in the book. It doesn’t have to be about losing control. Or acting out. I like the idea of using anger as a map. As guidance. As a marker of where my boundaries are. Someone cuts me off in traffic? My irritation can alert me to the fact that my personal space was invaded. That I perhaps need to adjust my speed, allow for more space between my car and the next, or raise my awareness as I drive. It’s not an attack on me by the other driver. And the resulting anger is a temporary directional arrow to lead me rather than a weapon of retaliation to unleash. 

For the first time in my life, I don’t feel uncomfortable with the emotion of anger. In fact, I’m almost excited to have a situation arise that sparks anger in me so that I can heed the guidance, study the map that it provides, and learn something about myself. In the recent animated movie, Inside Out, the main character Riley discovers that she needs all of her emotions, operating together, to live a healthy life. I am discovering this truth as well. I need anger to show me what’s important to me, and direct me to areas of my life that would benefit from more attention.

So go ahead. Make my day. Make me angry. And then watch me grow. 


Journey 323: Color Me Orange

The past two days I’ve had the opportunity to be at home, practicing self care as I deal with November allergies. A benefit of getting more rest has been time to write and work on my assignments for Week Three in The Artist’s Way. I’m loving this twelve week course and delving deeply into my creativity. 

This week the focus is on recovering my sense of power. Part of that restoration centers around looking at my childhood. It’s been a fascinating week, as I’ve been guided to bring healing light into my distant past. I’ve been inspired by the artwork of Steve Head, who uses his creativity to tell family stories, and I’ve received insight from my own writing. 

Working on a seemingly simple exercise….”Describe your childhood room”…I uncovered something perplexing. I’ve shared before that I grew up with a lot of fear. Being alone at night in my bedroom brought terror. I learned to deal with it by suppressing all negative emotion…fear, yes, but also anger, sadness, grief and crying, which was the outward expression of those emotions. So in describing my childhood bedroom, what arose within wasn’t a physical description but emotions from long ago. 

The assignment didn’t ask “What do you feel…?”. It asked for a description. Detaching from the sense of dread that still lingers around thoughts of my old bedroom, I began to matter-of-factly describe the room. In its outward appearance, it was an ordinary bedroom. Windows, a closet, hardwood floors, a bed, a desk and a dresser. Very early on, I had a pink bedspread, pink curtains and rugs. But around age seven or eight, and continuing until age sixteen, I switched to the color orange. I wrote another sentence or two and then paused. 

Wait a minute. 

I sat thinking. Orange. Why the color orange? I don’t even much like the color orange. Blue is my favorite color. Blues, grays, greens. Orange is at the bottom of my list of preferred colors. And yet for years, my bedroom was decorated in orange. During my early teens, I even had a bedroom wall covered in floor to ceiling orange curtains, concealing the closet door behind them. 

I love when something catches my attention. My curiosity goes on alert. This year, I have learned to follow that curiosity and see where it leads me. What did Little Cindy instinctively know, that adult Cindy is just becoming aware of? I wanted to find out. 

What a fascinating study today, around the color orange. For years I’ve practiced energy work, familiar with the energy centers in the body called chakras. There are seven chakras that are located from the base of the spine to the top of the head. Each chakra is represented by a color. The color orange is associated with the sacral chakra, located just beneath the navel.

Someone with a balanced sacral chakra is open to the world around her. She has energy, compassion, grounded intuition, emotional stability and a zest for life. However, if she closes this chakra down, in an attempt to control what’s going on in her life, she can experience repressed emotions, timidity, depression, and the inability to act on, or speak, her thoughts. I wouldn’t have consciously known all that as a little girl.  

However, what’s interesting is the effect that using the color orange has on balancing an imbalanced sacral chakra. Using orange brings warmth and happiness into the room and into the chakra. Orange has a freeing action on the body and mind, relieving repressions. Orange illuminates new possibilities and other options in life, stimulates creative thinking and enthusiasm, and helps assimilate new ideas. It offers emotional strength in difficult times,  helps us to take account of our lives, to face the consequences, to take action and make appropriate changes, and then to move onward and upward. Using a light orange color, for energy healing, combats fear and gives courage. 

I am amazed at what I discovered today, about the balancing effects of the color orange and about my inherent wisdom as a child. As fearful as she was, and in spite of closing off a powerful energy center, Little Cindy intuitively used the very color needed to boost her energy and flood her space, and her body, with warmth and healing light.

As a child, I experienced great relief each morning as the sun rose. The long night was ended. Light won over the darkness. Today I read that orange combines the yellow of sunshine and the vitality of red to bring joy and life. How grateful and humbled I am, for the gift of the color orange. I had forgotten its role in my young life. I’ve remembered now. There will be orange in my home again. And how grateful I am to my young, intuitive self. The Artist’s Way is connecting me again with my inner creative child. I’m listening to her. It’s about time. 


Journey 322: A Snapshot of the Journey

I have wanted to do this all year…capture the day’s journey in one photo. Today was the perfect day for it. November allergies had me very congested and feeling a bit rough this morning. This provided the opportunity for copious cups of hot tea, vitamin C by way of Little Cutie oranges, and time to reflect and write on this week’s assignments in The Artist’s Way. Self-care was what I needed. Self-care is what I gave myself. What a restorative time, on a variety of levels! 


Journey 321: Into the Light

Today’s journey could be called The Artwork of Steve Head, Part Two. I wrote about Steve Sunday, after visiting his amazing exhibit, titled Family Secrets, currently on display at Joplin Avenue Coffee Company. I had the pleasure of attending an artist talk by Steve this morning, at the same location. 


As I shared Sunday, Steve’s art visually tells the stories of his family and his childhood. Steve carried shame throughout most of his life, because of situations in his family history that included alcoholism, poverty, illiteracy and mental illness. What he discovered three years ago, as he began to create his mixed media art collages, was that by bringing those painful family stories into the light, he bathed his own heart and soul in healing light as well.

This morning, Steve quietly shared the stories behind the stories captured in his artwork. A hushed group sat around him, deeply respectful of such vulnerability, and emotionally impacted by his words. I heard about Steve’s great-grandfather, featured in the piece, “Bringing Phelix Home”, and his grandmother, Mary, whose story is portrayed in “Lost and Found”. Both family members spent time in a mental hospital in Oklahoma, in the 1920’s and 1930’s. Their lives were hidden in obscurity, until Steve, who never met Phelix or Mary but felt an emotional connection to both, brought them into the light through his art. 


I listened as Steve described his challenging childhood. As a young boy, he wanted to be an artist. In school, he considered himself a B or C artist, rather than an A. He questioned whether he was good enough, talented enough, to succeed. A family member seemed to confirm his doubts, telling him, sarcastically, “Oh, you will do great wonders.” One of my favorite pieces, after today, is “Great Wonders” which captures Steve and his younger brother as boys, sitting in boxes, carried high into the sky by a hot air balloon with those two words printed across it. 

Thankfully, Steve recently began to explore just how incredibly talented and artistic he is, as he simultaneously delved into his family’s past. As he acknowledged the shame that he carried, recognizing that although outwardly whole, he was inwardly very wounded, Steve sought healing through creative expression by also acknowledging his family.

One of the most tender stories told this morning was of Steve’s older sister, Irma, who was diagnosed with schizophrenia at the age of nineteen. Irma eventually became a ward of the state of California, residing in a care facility. As a child, Steve felt uncomfortable and embarrassed when he visited his sister, lacking understanding perhaps, of the devastation the disease afflicted on her. He shared that as a young woman, she was often compared to actresses Rita Hayworth and Lucille Ball. In an attempt to cling to those compliments, and duplicate Lucy’s scarlet lips, Irma would apply lipstick with less than satisfactory results, creating more discomfort in Steve. His art piece, “Irma’s Beauty”, lets the world know that this is his sister and he no longer feels the old shame, but rather love, respect and compassion for her. 


When one is as courageous as Steve, in so transparently sharing his life, his wounding and his healing, it bestows courage on others. I sat with the weight of his childhood upon me, and then realized it was the weight of my own that I felt instead. Steve shared a quote that said, “You are only as sick as your secrets.” What truth. We all have our secrets. We all have family members that we would rather not talk about. We are all the walking wounded, with hearts and souls pierced by a thousand darts from our childhoods. 

Seeing Steve’s artwork, hearing of the redemption that he gained, for himself and his family, I considered what that might feel like in my own life if I could shine that bright healing light into some of the dark corners that remain from my own childhood. I feel so inspired to see what creativity can recover and redeem within me. That’s the powerful effect of the artwork of Steve Head. It not only sheds light on his life, but spills over onto all who spend time gazing into his art, into stories that, at a soul level, represent us all.


Journey 320: An Evening of Friendship, Sushi & Coloring

One of life’s greatest blessings is having traveling companions on the journey. There are those in my life who walk alongside, sharing their own experiences, and offering a helping hand or a timely word of encouragement. I’m so grateful. This evening I had the pleasure of spending time with one of these dear souls. 

I met Cate last year, during my Year of Firsts. We instantly connected and have become great friends. I appreciate her willingness to try new experiences and how brightly she shines as her authentic self. 


Cate graciously invited me to her house this evening, for a time of chatting, dining and coloring. I picked up sushi for both of us from Han the Sushi Man in Joplin. Cate enjoyed spicy tuna sushi and I opted to try something new, something I’d never had before. The “To Die For” sushi roll was amazing, with shrimp and avocado.  

After dinner, we cleared the table. Cate served cups of hot tea and freshly baked, healthy cookies while I brought out coloring books and colored pencils. One of the things I love about coloring is that two or more people can color together companionably and chat at the same time. Cate selected a page out of the Creative Haven Owls book while I started on my first page from The Time Chamber by Daria Song. 

What an enjoyable evening. Cate is one of those amazing people who can converse about a wide range of topics. And she’s so easy to talk to. We caught up on our journeys, discovering that we are on such similar paths, even down to a word that is repetitively popping up for both of us. We discussed books, synchronicities, what we are learning from our experiences and…coloring. I found that I color more slowly as I talk, but since there’s no deadline, that’s not an issue! 
I love Cate’s choice of colors and that gorgeous night sky. The heart stands out on the page because she was drawn to color that rune in first. Cate’s heart for others is just as evident. She is one of the most loving people that I know, caring for people at a deep level. I appreciate her listening ear and sage words. And then there’s that joyful, infectious laugh!   

We were so engrossed in our coloring and chatting, that it took several rumbles of thunder before I realized storms were approaching and it was late. Time to go home. What a great start to our coloring pages. And what a warm and comforting evening with a treasured friend, a kindred soul. I love the Ram Dass quote that says, “We’re all just walking each other home.” Thank you, Cate, for walking with me tonight. 


Journey 319: Out of Shame

Today was “date” day, as suggested in the book The Artist’s Way, where I take my inner artist, my creative child, on an excursion. I have really enjoyed these solitary outings, as opportunities to encourage and have fun with my artistic side. 

I came up with an idea for a date yesterday, but this morning, I felt unsure. I had something I needed to do this afternoon. As if placating a reluctant child, I talked up the date to my inner artist. “It will be fun, right? We can do this and I can take care of that, deal?” No deal. This morning I checked the Connect2Culture Facebook page, scrolling through art opportunities available in Joplin today. One grabbed my attention. Titled Family Secrets: The Storytelling Artwork of Steve Head, this exhibit was featured at Joplin Avenue Coffee Company downtown. 

I was immediately intrigued. Steve and I are Facebook friends and we play Words with Friends together online. I’ve never met Steve but I feel like I know him because of our connection. I kept that idea foremost in my mind for my afternoon outing. 

And then the magic happened, as has been the case the past three weeks. After considering the exhibit as a possibility for my date with myself, I read the chapter for Week Three in The Artist’s Way, Recovering a Sense of Power. Julia immediately goes into the emotion of Anger (I want to explore this further before sharing) and the wonders of Synchronicity. I live with constant synchronicities, otherwise known as coincidences. Today was synchronous! I’ve written before and will again about how these amazing events guide my journey. 

The last emotion Julia wrote about was Shame. She says, “Those of us who get bogged down by fear before action are usually being sabotaged by an older enemy: shame.” She goes on to say that making art may feel a lot like telling a family secret. Wait a minute.  

Back I went to the info about Steve Head’s exhibit, Family Secrets. I opened a link and read more. Steve shares that his show features work about his own family and childhood. He tells his story through the use of mixed media and digital collage that incorporates vintage black and white photos of his family. Steve’s family history has members who suffered from poverty, alcoholism and mental illness. 

Steve wrote that for most of his life he carried a huge void in his heart, where love and nurturing during his childhood should have been. And a soul full of SHAME for who he thought he was and what happened to him in his family. His healing came as he acknowledged the shame and overcame it. His art, now on exhibit, allowed him to bring the pain he experienced into the light. Reading that, seeing that it dealt with shame, I knew the exhibit was my destination for the afternoon. 

They were beautiful, the pieces of art, and poignant. Joplin Avenue Coffee Company was strangely quiet when I arrived, although it filled up as I was leaving. I had time to savor a cup of hot tea while I studied the displayed works of art. I asked Steve’s permission, via messaging, to take pics of his art and write about his exhibit in my blog. He graciously granted it. I have those pics interspersed throughout the post. 

His piece Lost and Found tells the story of his grandmother, Mary. I stood before it the longest, looking at the collage and reading her story on the card below. It is a sad tale. Steve doesn’t try to hide that. Instead he gently sheds light on her story, one of a painful life that ended in an Oklahoma mental hospital. Mary’s journey was shrouded, until Steve uncovered it. Redemption for both of them comes through his marvelous creative expression. 

I was contemplative as I drove away. My family did not shame me. The shame I felt as a young child arose around my nighttime fears, and the fact that my crying at night disturbed my parents. I’m the one who decided that my tears bothered my mom and dad. I chose not to cry anymore. The shame I’ve felt my whole life around weeping is because I didn’t want to bother anyone. 

I spoke aloud in the car, “Little Cindy…Little One…it’s okay…” That’s all I managed to say before emotion closed off my throat. But I sent the four year old within soundless words of love and grace and acceptance. At last I finished with a whisper, “…it’s okay to cry. There’s no shame in being afraid. You can cry and it won’t bother anyone.” I know she was listening. 

Steve’s exhibit, Family Secrets, is on display at Joplin Avenue Coffee Company until Novembet 29. He has art at Spiva Center for the Arts as well and at Rose Gallery on N Range Line. Many pieces are for sale. Check out his art and future events at and stop by the coffee shop this Tuesday morning, 9:00-10:30, for an artist talk and meet and greet. 

Journey 318: 2 Friends & Junk Show Springfield 

On this beautiful fall day, mindful of the tragedy in Paris, open hearted in quiet love, it was good to spend time with some members of my family. Greg drove me, daughters Elissa and Adriel, and Adriel’s fiancé Nate, to Springfield to the 2 Friends & Junk show. 


My girls and I enjoy wandering through craft and junk shows and flea markets. We look for items to purchase, that catch our eyes. And we look for ideas for repurposing things that we already own, at home. Greg and Nate, while not shopping per say, enjoyed looking around as well. They were great to fetch sodas and iced teas, carry packages and take purchases to the car to stow in the trunk. 

Here’s a pictorial representation of my journey today, through the always fun 2 Friends & Junk Show. 
Painted furniture is still a hot item. Some booths sold chalk paint as well. 


 This booth had a cute idea…little Christmas trees tucked into glass jars and silver vases. 


 Loved the little bottle brush trees at this booth. 


Seeing this display, I got an idea on how to create a simple obelisk for my garden. 



Nate, Adriel and Elissa looking through tiny treasures. 

 So many creative ways to decorate for Christmas. 


My favorite booth at this show!


My purchases. Picks of rustic red berries, rusty stars and rusty jingle bells, in a very cool olive bucket. I intend to place a tall skinny artificial Christmas tree in the bucket for the holidays. And find other way to use the bucket as the seasons change throughout the year. 



A leather cuff, stamped with acorns. Acorns are my symbol this year for remembering during my journey. 

We had a fun day at the show. I was inspired, being in the presence of so much creativity. 180 booths meant there was a wide variety of artistic talent on display. And I loved finding vintage items, such as suitcases and antique jewelry, tucked alongside wooden boxes, metal buckets and painted furniture. 
We capped off our trip to Springfield with a late lunch at Zio Italian Restaurant. The food was delicious, the conversation lively and the laughter the type that brings tears to the eyes! I call that a great meal. 

We look forward to the next 2 Friends & Junk Show, in Joplin, in February 2016. The girls and I will be there, with other family members I hope. Listen for our chatter and laughter, and join us. 



Journey 317: Real Estate as a Mirror

Although I am based out of Joplin MO, as a realtor I can actually help buyers and sellers anywhere in the state of Missouri. Typically the majority of the transactions that I close are in the immediate Joplin area. And last year, all of my closing where on houses sold in the vicinity. But something unusual, for me, something out of the ordinary, has been happening. Of my last six closes in the past two months, and including my pending closings, half have been or will be away from Joplin. And I just made an offer on behalf of buyers on a property 78 miles away. 


After an out of town closing this morning, I’ve been thinking today about the significance. I don’t believe anything happens by accident or coincidence. All that happens during my journey teaches me and reveal truths to me, or amazes and delights me. When something happens repetitively, it gets my attention, brings my awareness up and causes me to ponder. 
Here are my thoughts on this string of closes that are in outlying areas. 

At Keller Williams, we have sayings called BOLD Laws. One of them is: “Your business grows to the extent that you do.” I love that the realty company I am with cares for us as people first, and agents second. They encourage personal growth and provide classes designed to grow me and my business. 

A couple of years ago, I began to test this “law” by setting the intention during a BOLD class that I would focus on my personal growth and see what happened. That was in the fall of 2013. My Year of Firsts took place in 2014, followed by my Year of Journeys this year. Business wise, they’ve been good years, and I can see the correlation between my life opening and opportunities opening too, and not just in real estate. Today I mused that perhaps growth isn’t just about number of units sold, but also has to do with expanding my territory, extending my reach, and enlarging my domain, both in life and business. That appears to be happening!  

This thought followed. I also embrace the adage that my outer world is a reflection of my inner world. A mirror, so to speak, that gives me glimpses into my soul. About six years ago, during a chaotic time in my life with much upheaval going on, I was in a car accident, hit by a driver going the wrong way on a one way street. That was quite a shocking look into the mirror of my outer world. Things began to rapidly shift in my life after that. 


Looking into the mirror of my outer world today, I see reflected back to me a life that is continuing to open and a soul that is expanding. Like my closings in new and distant places, I am journeying down new and unfamiliar paths. I am growing still. And my heart is full and overflowing with love, peace and joy. Creativity has awakened. I am having fun, in my real estate business, in my artistic endeavors, and in life. 

Now that awareness has caused me to look deeply into the mirror, I don’t know what will happen next. More closings in far away towns? Or is something totally other waiting just around the far bend in the path. I don’t know but I don’t need to. I’m excited to see where the journey takes me next. 


Journey 316: From this Moment Emerging 

Today I only had one appointment, late in the day, a final walk through with buyers before we close in the morning. With chunks of free time before me, I was delighted by the delicious prospect of reading in my current stack of books. I had a similar day, back on Journey 95. I enjoyed that so much, I decided to do something similar. As I’ve noted before, I read multiple books at a time, enjoying the way the messages from each book combine to bring inspiration into my life. Of the six or seven books that I am currently reading, here are the four that I savored today. 


The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron

I’ve shared about this phenomenal book that offers a twelve week course, designed to remove the limitations that block creativity. I am on week two, day 12, and I have done the Morning Pages, three pages of free writing, twelve times. I’ve taken myself on two artist dates so far. This afternoon I had the opportunity to do my assignments for this week. 

What I’m receiving from this book:

Julia, with the Morning Pages, the weekly Artist Date and the assignments, has already helped me deeply reconnect with my creative side. I love the dates with myself and look forward to them each Sunday afternoon. I am having fun with my creativity and expressing it in multiple ways. 

Quote from today’s reading: 

“In order to be an artist, I must be alert, always, for the presence of the Great Creator leading and helping my artist.”

Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert

Written to encourage readers to embrace the creative life, whether as a writer, artist, musician or any of the myriad other ways creativity can be expressed, Liz gives us permission to move boldly beyond fear and infuse our everyday lives with more mindfulness and passion. 

What I’m receiving from this book:

I didn’t realize that I needed permission to live as my creative self, but I feel like I have been given that slip of paper that grants freedom. My biggest take away so far from this book, which has changed the way I view my writing in particular, is to do what I do for the simple joy of creating. I don’t want to put the expectation on my writing, or other creative endeavors, to support me. I will support them. The most important thing I can do right now is express myself and enjoy that process. The outcomes will take care of themselves.

Quote from today’s reading:

On perfection, and her first novel…”At 75 pages in, I nearly stopped. It felt too terrible to continue, too deeply embarrassing. But I pushed through my own shame only because I decided that I refused to go to my grave with 75 pages of an unfinished manuscript sitting in my desk drawer. I did not want to be that person. The world is filled with too many unfinished manuscripts as it is and I didn’t want to add another one to that bottomless pile. So no matter how much I thought my work stank, I had to persist.” 


One Spirit Medicine by Alberto Villoldo

Drawing on more than 25 years of experience as  a medical anthropologist, as well as his own journey back from the edge of death, this shamanic teacher shares how to detoxify the brain and body with superfoods and how to use the body’s own energy field to heal the body. 

What I’m receiving from this book:

I bought this book earlier this year, began reading it, and set it aside. My recent bout with severe sciatica has once again brought my awareness back to how I care for my body, or don’t care for it. I’m knowledgeable about how eating certain foods affects my health. But this book goes way beyond a healthy diet. As one who is aware of and interested in energy work, I’m excited to learn more about working with my body and soul to live in optimal health. 

Quote from today’s reading:

“Every schoolchild knows the value of green plants in the diet. What most of us don’t realize is that plants provide vital information to the body beyond simply ensuring a balanced diet. Scientists have found that plants are master regulators of gene expression in humans. They have the power to switch on the genes that create health and to switch off the genes that create cancer, heart disease, diabetes and many of the other ailments of civilization.”


The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo

Marie is a Japanese cleaning consultant who takes tidying up to a whole new level. She offers detailed guidance for determining which items to keep in your home, by giving them the “spark joy” test. A decluttered home allows you to enjoy a calm and motivated mindset, and the unique magic of a tidy, organized home. 

What I’m receiving from this book:

My daughter Elissa found this book, which has been perfect for me. I have desired to decluttered my house and display and use keepsakes and family heirlooms that I keep. Marie’s test for whether to keep an item, or discard or give it away, is simple. Hold the item. If it sparks joy, keep it. If it doesn’t, get rid of it. If the item has been used and enjoyed in the past, Marie suggests thanking the item for its usefulness and then releasing it to go elsewhere. I like that expression of gratitude and the recognition that everything, even inanimate objects, have energy. 

Quote from today’s reading:

“Let me share a secret. Putting your house in order is fun! The process of assessing how you feel about the things you own, identifying those that have fulfilled their purpose, expressing your gratitude, and bidding them farewell, is really about examining your inner life, a rite of passage to a new life.” 

All four books that I read from today are about examining my inner life, with resulting outward expressions of creativity, joyful freedom, optimal health and a tidy home. Each of those is an amazing journey in itself. Combined, they are creating powerful and exciting shifts in my life. 

Stephen Nachmanovitch wrote, “The noun of self becomes a verb. This flashpoint of creation in the present moment is where work and play merge.” From this present moment of work and play merging, I am emerging. 


Journey 315: Roadtrip to St Louis

Some days are so full of amazing journeys that I have to choose between them when I write my blog post. Yesterday was one of those days. My son was promoted to sergeant in his police department, there was a surprise that confirmed how amazing the journey is, and I concluded my day by attending a demonstration of the beautiful and passionate flamenco dance at MSSU. I chose yesterday to share about my son and his journey, as I have watched that one unfold for years. It was a proud moment for him and for his dad and me. The surprise from yesterday is part of a journey that has unfolded over a couple of years, and that will ultimately  conclude next April. I’ll share that story today!


A little over two years ago, my grandson Dayan, then 14 years old, called me early on a Saturday with a request. “Can you drive me to St Louis?” That city is 4 hours and 19 minutes away. Dayan had just found out that morning that Matt Smith, the 11th Doctor from Doctor Who, and Karen Gillan, who played his traveling companion Amy Pond, were at the Wizard World Comic Con in St Louis. He so wanted the opportunity to meet those amazing actors/characters from one of his favorite shows. 

As a Yaya, I practice saying “Yes!” as often as I can. I knew how much seeing The Doctor and Amy in person  would mean to my grandson. Greg was willing to drive us to St Louis. Sadly, we discovered that the tickets needed for the event were sold out. There was no point in making the trip. However, I told Dayan that if there was another opportunity in the future to attend a comic con that featured The Doctor, I’d do my best to get him there. 

Two years passed. Last fall, I began watching Doctor Who, beginning with the first series in New Who, as it’s called, to distinguish it from Classic Who. Christopher Eccleston was the 9th Doctor and Billie Piper his companion Rose. I had only watched five episodes before Dayan suggested that we watch the series together. A tradition was born that is still continuing. Once a week, during the school year, I pick up Chinese food and Dayan after school and we watch a couple of episodes of Doctor Who. During this past summer we worked in some binge watching. By the time the 9th Doctor regenerated into the 10th, at the end of the first season, I was a fan of the show. A HUGE fan. 

With the transition from Nine to Ten, David Tennant assumed the role of The Doctor. I love this Scottish born actor. He brought his own charm and infectious joy to the role, a playful Timelord who explored the universe with Rose, still portrayed by Billie Piper, meeting challenges and saving worlds with no weapon save a sonic screwdriver. Although Tennant stayed in the role of The Doctor for four years, Piper only played Rose for one of those. The story of The Doctor and Rose is filled with whimsy and fun, adventure and love, and at the end of their time together, angst. Say “Doctor and Rose” to most Whovians and they will say “awwwww” with a sad look on their faces. 


I renewed my determination to take Dayan to a comic con, especially if the 10th Doctor was present. I now wanted to see The Doctor too. We put that intention out there. A couple of months ago, scrolling through my Facebook news feed, I was stopped by an anouncement through the David Tennant fan page. Tennant was coming to Wizard World Comic Con…in St Louis! Next April. I was excited. Dayan was excited. By the next day, it was announced that Billie Piper would be joining him. We were beyond excited! 

It’s not easy to get tickets to a VIP event at comic con. The tickets sell out quickly because of limited availability. And tickets aren’t cheap. It’s the rule of scarcity. I told Dayan I would do my best to secure each of us a VIP pass, which gains entrance to comic con plus allows the holder to sit in on panel discussions, meet the actors, and get autographs and have photos taken with both. He understood. We agreed that if we were meant to go, all would unfold perfectly. If we weren’t, it wouldn’t, and we accepted that.


I asked for God’s guidance…to smooth the way if this was going to happen. Make me aware. Nudge me when I needed to be nudged. And then I let go of the outcome. The VIP tickets were supposed to go on sale at the end of October and then that was changed to November 15, according to the website. I have been blessed with a multitude of closings, with more scheduled. I felt that financially, this was very doable. I was ready. I was watching, without stressing about it or feeling anxious. If the event came to mind, I immediately said, “Up to You” and let it go. 

Yesterday I kept getting these nudges that the tickets were about to go on sale. But it was the 10th, not the 15th. I checked the site and Facebook. Not available yet. I went to my son’s ceremony. Back home, while waiting for him to complete his shift so Greg and I could take him and Megan to dinner, I strongly felt I needed to get on Facebook. The first post that I saw in my news feed was from the David Tennant page, announcing VIP tickets for St Louis had just gone on sale. That moment. A very short time later, I sent Dayan a text with a picture of two VIP tickets, and the words, “And then there’s this to look forward to…we are going to COMIC CON!” His response was priceless. And filled my heart with joy. Only today did I realize that they put the tickets for David TENnant, the 10th Doctor, on sale on the 10th. Had I not checked until the 15th, I believe they would have been sold out. 

I am grateful. I’m grateful that I get to do this for Dayan and with Dayan. Attending a comic con will be a first experience that we can share. We are both excited to meet Tennant and Piper, The Doctor, for goodness sake, and Rose. And I am grateful for this amazing journey that continues to teach me about trust, about being open to everything and attached to nothing, and that nothing in my life is too insignificant to God. There’s no mistaking the presence and guidance of the Divine in the unfolding of events. How can I not walk in complete trust and surrender? 

We have a few months before the road trip. And that’s okay. Dayan and I will enjoy the anticipation and my grandson reminded me today that it is common to attend comic con in costume! I need the time to plan. But come April, it’s St Louis here we come! It will be a blast!