Surrender 131: My Greatest Gift

I debated today about what to surrender to…a movie night to complete the Best Picture nominated list of films? Or sharing thoughts about a subject nearer to my heart, facing fear and freeing what lies behind it. I checked the list of unique holidays for today and discovered that this is Trust Your Intuition Day. That was the green light for my second consideration, because intuition is very connected to that part of my journey. 

I saw the quote above six years ago and it resonated deeply with me. I was determined to face my greatest fear. And I knew what lay guarded behind that tightly shut door. My intuition. Ironically, it was my intuitive side that also created my fear, a terror that grew as I did. As a child I didn’t understand my intuitive nature. Things happened to me that didn’t happen to other people. I saw and heard and knew things they didn’t. 

My fear of my abilities caused me to attempt to shut that vital part of me down. And when that failed, I hid it, sequestered my intuition away, dividing myself into a “normal” side and a “weird” side. But fear took root. And having no outlet, it encircled my heart, and grew stronger. I became terrified of the dark and of being alone, especially at night, of unexplained noises and negative energy that I could sense but felt helpless to do anything about. 

Five years ago, I knew I had to at last face my fear. I wanted to be free from the terror. I wanted a whole heart. I was weary of being afraid. So I stopped. I refused to be afraid. And as I suspected, intuition was behind my greatest fear. And so much more. 

Learning more about my intuitive abilities actually helped me to move past the fear I had around it. Intuition is, simply, the ability to understand something without conscious reasoning. It’s instinctive, and often unexplainable. We all have intuition and experience its gifts. We think of a friend, and she calls moments later. We lose a ring. And dream about its location, finding it exactly where we dreamed it would be. We feel uneasy as we drive to work and take another route, only to hear later of a major accident on the street we normally use. This is intuition at work. 

As I’ve released fear, I’ve learned to embrace my intuitive side, and trust the information I receive. I don’t have to understand why I have the gifts that I do, or why I receive the information that I do. I can’t control my intuition. I can only surrender to the fact that this is who I am, and trust what this sense tells me, just as I trust my other senses. 

The amazing discovery that I made during my journey beyond fear was that my intuition wasn’t the only thing shut away. Locked behind my greatest fear I also found my four year old self. She created the door that kept the fear at bay. She made the vows to take care of herself, to be as invisible as possible, to never cry or ask for help. Freeing my intuition has freed my young self. It has been very healing to nurture her and mother her and integrate her into my whole self.

Therein has been my greatest gift. I was concerned that embracing my intuitive side would mean that I had to do something with it. And yes, I am a realtor who can sell a client a house and also tell him whether the house is haunted (full of negative energy), or not. I can walk alongside others and help them clear away their own fears around their abilities or help them understand themselves at a deeper level. I sense energy. I have strong hits of premonition. But I’m not called to be a psychic. That’s not my role in life. 

The greatest gift that I uncovered, that little Cindy released back to me, was creativity. With intuition came inspiration. The two are closely linked in me. As my fear melted away, as I embraced who I am, and lived out of a whole heart, I found again my desire to write, to create, to follow curiosity. Opening to my intuition resulted in an opening of that fun and imaginative side of me. And for that, I am deeply grateful. 

Albert Einstein said, “The intuitive mind is a sacred gift, and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant, and has forgotten the gift.” 

I am glad that I found my gift again.