I love how simple activities can suddenly arrest my attention and bring clarity to my journey. A song on the radio, a billboard along the highway, pulling weeds in the garden, all hold potential lessons for my soul, if I have the awareness to see.
This morning, after a deliciously hot shower, I stepped onto the thick bathroom rug, and with hair and body wrapped in towels, caught sight of my reflection in the full length mirror.
My reflection looked like this. I only know it was me, because I was there!
I picked up a hand towel, to wipe away the condensation, and then paused. Something important was drawing my attention inward.
Since reading Love Warrior, by Glennon Doyle Melton, I have been thinking much about her words. The shower is a great place for me to ponder deeply. I have accepted the invitation from the Divine to own my story, to know myself honestly and completely, and to use words to share my inner thoughts, rather than remain silent. I want to see myself more clearly than I ever have before.
I sensed a learning moment, as I peered at my hazy reflection in the steamed over mirror. I thought of the scripture that tells of seeing in a mirror dimly, and then face to face, of knowing in part and then knowing and being known fully. I realized that although Paul’s words are about a deeper spiritual truth, they also apply to my current journey of seeing and knowing myself more clearly.
Without wiping away the condensation, I quickly fetched my iPhone, to document the truths that were stirring.
As the room cooled and the moisture evaporated from the mirror, my image became clearer and clearer. There was still distortion at first, that hid my true self. This has been so evident in my life. I used to hide who I was. Like everyone else, I learned as a child what to do, or not do, what to say, or not say, to be most acceptable to others. I strove to please everyone and avoid confrontation. After years of hiding behind the carefully placed masks I wore, I forgot who I really was. I forgot what I really looked like, free of the distortion that being a people pleaser created.
My journey the past six years has been about wiping away the last of that cloudiness that keeps me from not only seeing myself clearly but obscures the self that I offer to others. I have been guided, gently and surely, to the experiences, people and books that can best assist me in gaining clarity.
Bit by bit, my honest and authentic self has been revealed, much as my image grew sharper in the mirror this morning as all distortion faded away. Who I am is coming into focus, and I am grateful for the journey, and for the simple yet thought provoking experience today.
At last I could look into the mirror and whisper, Oh…there you are. I’ve been looking for you. I SEE you. Soon I will see and know my soulful self as clearly.