This is a magical story that has been coming together for several weeks. With my word for the year being Story, I have given much thought to my own story and how the telling of it, the writing of it, creates the beliefs I live by. I wondered if it was time to release parts of my story that while true, no longer serve me. Was it time to tell new stories, and therefore embrace new beliefs?
The Divine responded to my musings by sending me signs that pointed toward a new path. And my curiosity, ever a faithful guide, bounded down that trail. As I explored this unfamiliar terrain, my daughter Elissa unwittingly handed me a piece of the map by sending me a meme with the definition of abracadabra on it. I was fascinated to discover that the word comes from the Aramaic words avra kehdabra, which literally means, I will create as I speak.
The final nudge to reframe my story came last weekend, while on my solitary retreat. Being alone, as I will explain in a moment, set the stage for what followed. And one of my lessons during my getaway weekend, from the Love Your Life course, was titled Identify and Change a Story You Tell. Wow.
What old story had I been telling myself, that needed to be released? How did that story make me feel? That was easy to answer. It made me feel afraid.
I grew up with a great deal of fear. Most kids are afraid of the dark…and they outgrow that fear. I didn’t. For me, the dark was full of sights and sounds and experiences that others I knew didn’t share. I was afraid to be in the dark. Alone in the dark? That was terrifying to me.
I have the gift of intuition. However, as a child I didn’t understand what was happening around me. My mom and dad didn’t understand what was happening either. Not their fault. Without personal experience, who would believe a child’s tearful claims that shadowy people visited her room at night…or that something hid in the closet?
I could tell you tales that would make you sleep with the light on at night, as I did for more than 40 years. But, those are not the stories I want to tell anymore. The shift began about seven years ago when I deliberately chose to live alone for a time, and face my most powerful fears. And not just face them…I moved beyond them by accepting my gifts and abilities.
Being alone last weekend, in an unfamiliar house, triggered my old story the first night. I’ve learned how to deal with receiving additional sensory information. I followed my practices. I burned sage throughout the entire house, to clear away old, lower vibrational energy. I sent white light through the house as well, from the land beneath to the sky above and to the borders of my temporary domain. I asked for Divine protection. I meditated to center myself.
I was absolutely fine as long as it was light outside. When the sun set, I felt a chill that was not related to the falling temps outside. How powerful for me, to acknowledge that my old story was no longer my truth, and then release it. How crucial, to do well, be well, and not give in to fear. And then how amazing, the next morning, to find that my lesson for that day was on telling a new story.
What new story would I begin telling myself, and others, that brings with it new beliefs? How does this story make me feel? My new story makes me feel confident, safe, protected and connected to the Divine.
I told myself my old story so often as a child…scary things happen in the dark…that it became my belief. And, it became my reality. The more I believed my story, the more scary life became for me.
When I faced my fears, the scary stuff didn’t all go away. But I learned more about my gifts and abilities. As my perceptions changed, my beliefs did as well and then my reality shifted to mirror them. I could at last turn off the lights at night. I could be alone in the dark. I could receive information without trying to block it and without fearing it.
The new story I am telling is this: I have a spiritual gift and I am not afraid to use it or to receive additional info because of it. I accept who I am, fully. I am safe, protected and connected to the Divine. I am surrounded by peace and love and light.
The story I am telling now allows me to move beyond my comfort zone. It continues to create new beliefs. It sustains me when I am in unfamiliar spaces. It allows me to leave my story open-ended, creating room for mystery without fear, and infinite and exciting possibilities.
Abracadabra. I am creating new stories, new realities, as I speak. And that is magical indeed.
