Light to See By

The deep inner work I am doing, exploring my early childhood so as to free my younger self from the vows she made, is creating many ahas and a profound sense of wonderment. It is also generating some interesting dreams as my subconscious processes what I am uncovering.

Last night I awoke from such a dream that at first disturbed me greatly. As I have delved more into the symbolism today that sense of dismay has transformed into heart felt amazement.

Light to See By

In the dream a baby was lying in a box, crying. They weren’t hungry or fretful cries. She was angry, afraid, alone. As I leaned down to pick her up, others in the room with me protested, even though the baby’s loud, indignant cries bothered them. “Don’t pick her up!” they admonished me. “Leave her in the box. Let her cry.”

I picked up the baby anyway. “Can’t you see that she is in pain? Can’t you see how weary she is?” I asked. I felt some anger myself that anyone could ignore this child.

I cradled the baby girl in my arms and walked around with her. Exhausted, she fell asleep, snuggled up against my heart. I refused to lay her down, even though the others demanded that I do so. I was not going to abandon this wee girl. I wanted her to feel safe and loved. I wanted her to know she was not alone.

I am a lucid dreamer, meaning that as I held the baby I was aware of the symbolism of the dream. I knew enough to realize that not only was I the one cradling the infant, I was the baby girl, crying out in fear and frustration from the box I had been placed in. I was also the one who put the baby in the box. And those voices urging me to leave her alone…they were also mine. All of the characters in my dream reflected back to me different aspects of myself, hence the reason the dream was disturbing to me.

Light to See ByThe closest I came to actually being in a box, as an infant.

Oh, this work I am doing is opening up so much and allowing me to see what formed my personality. As a result of early fears and traumas, between the ages of two years and four, I lost my voice. I went silent and lost the ability to express myself through anger and tears. I lost the ability to express my pain, and I’ve worked my whole life to keep parts of myself contained.

I have gone beyond the vow of silence I made as a toddler and uncovered the box…and there is a wailing child inside. A part of me does want to leave her there and pretend she does not exist. However my nurturing side, my mother’s heart, knows what that child needs. The babe needs to be allowed to use her voice and express her fear and rage and pain. And then, safe in the arms of love, she can rest and be.

It is astounding to me, how this story is unfolding and where this journey has led. I understand myself better. I see why I am the way I am. My early experiences taught me to be silent, taught me to be a people pleaser. Julia Cameron writes, “As you come to know yourself, the light you have to see by increases, and you present to yourself and the world a more complete, authentic and unique persona.”

I am seeing with great clarity as the light to see by increases. And to further encourage me and call me onward and upward, I’ve been given the word enchant for next year. Enchant…to sing or speak into existence. What a powerful word for one who was silent for so long. How freeing it is to use my voice through spoken words, through song, through written words, to create my reality. I am living in the enchantment of my own life.

Light to See By

Day 301: Ask and It Is Given

dream conversations

For several weeks now, I’ve drawn one of my affirmation cards repeatedly. It states, “Everything that shows up in my life is an ongoing conversation with the Divine.” My awareness of that truth has increased greatly. By way of synchronicities, songs, words, nature, signs and books, I am having a conversation with God about my life and the path I am on. Recently, I’ve been asking questions: What shall I do next? Is this the right path? And I’ve asked to be taught more deeply about abundance and my purpose.

This morning, after a very short night due to not feeling my best and melodious thunderstorms, I decided to lie back down and rest a bit longer. As I relaxed drowsily toward sleep, I requested, “Please teach me as I hover here between wakefulness and slumber. Teach me.” What happened next was definitely a first for me. Although I am a lucid dreamer and have very detailed and sometimes astonishing dreams that I not only participate in but control, I have not experienced a sequence of dreams with instructions and commentary, as I did this morning. Much of what I received was very personal to me and the imagery accompanying the “lessons” was pulled from my experiences. However, there are basic truths in each of the seven principles that were shared with me that apply to anyone.

To my delight, my Keller Williams Team Leader, Vicki, was the person and the voice accompanying me on this dream journey, although it was the Divine speaking through her image. I’m not sure why my mind produced Vicki, except that she is an amazing person in my life and a dear friend and colleague, someone I respect. For those who don’t remember their dreams, much less draw any lessons from them, this post is an invitation to enter into an adventure. Adhering to my desire to move beyond my comfort zone, it is important for me to share!

I was given seven very distinct life principles:

  1. Life flows. Money flows. I was told this as I was handed a check for $2500.00. Everything is energy, including abundance and money as it flows in and out of my life.
  2. Gratitude is the key to abundance. Be thankful, for everything. These words were simply spoken to me.
  3. I was reminded to foster playfulness and fun as a vital part of my relationships, especially when I’m feeling weighed down by circumstances surrounding others. Focus on the good in people, not the negative, and let go of the past.
  4. Through the imagery of caring for a pet, who actually died years ago from old age, I was told to take care of what I can, and those I can, and to not worry about what I can’t do. I was given the easy to remember saying, “Do what I must, then trust.”
  5. A question was put to me, if I was doing all that was required of me, so that I could focus on going beyond. I knew immediately which tasks I’ve been procrastinating on, in business and in life, because I don’t like doing those things. I was reminded to get caught up on those tasks and get them out of the way, so I can focus on extraordinary things that will bring me great joy.
  6. I was told that every situation, no matter how difficult, is temporary. The time frame of six months was shown to me, for a situation in my own life. When I understand that there is a bigger picture, and all that I am encountering now is temporary and small, I can keep journeying with confidence, keep overcoming, keep learning and growing.
  7. This last sequence in the dream had to do with being in a house that wasn’t mine, filled with stuff from previous occupants. I was told I could use whatever was there, if it was beneficial to me. I was also aware that there was a lot of junk, and trash, that needed to be cleared away. I was shown that I could bag up this trash and remove it, carrying it outside to be picked up and carted away by the trash truck. I suddenly understood that I was seeing limiting beliefs, handed down to me by others, that have accumulated in my inner space. I can clear these away. I saw bags and bags of “trash” already waiting at the curb, yet I looked around the house I was in and saw more that needed to be disposed of.

I came fully awake, after the seventh truth, and knew I had experienced something different! I wrote careful notes so that I wouldn’t forget. As I moved through my day, conversation continued with the Divine, confirming what I had received early this morning. I am listening. I am acting. I am being. I am ready. What an amazing journey!

dream conversations 2