Forgive me for a very brief post tonight, as this day ticks down to its final minutes. It’s been a very full day. And this is blog post number two tonight.
Due to the lateness of the hour, I scrubbed my original idea in favor of getting to bed an hour and a half earlier. As I finished a post for Journey With Healthy Me, I sent up the equivalent of an SOS to the Divine.
“Another idea, please?”
God, El-le to me, is exceedingly kind and gracious. Another idea was given.
I flipped through my photos, looking for inspiration, asking for a short story to create and post. My original post can be fleshed out over the weekend.
I looked through photos on my phone because that’s where I save quotes, memes, recipes, ideas, and interesting tidbits. Why? Because I never know when I might need inspirational motivation.
I found something that grabbed my attention, made me smile and then stirred my heart. El-le said “Ta da…there you go Dear Heart. From me to you.”
Two of the most important questions, Cindy, for an aspiring Rock Star are:
1. How big do you want to be?
2. What are you now doing about it?
“Rock Star” being metaphoric for “travel around the world exploring and writing.” I just didn’t want to immediately flip you out.
See you at the stadium.
I needed that smile and the warm glow that encircled my heart, as I read those words.
They were beautifully presented, timing wise. I almost quit reading at the words “Rock Star”. Music is part of my life but I’m not rock star material.
Or am I?
I’m glad I kept reading. The metaphoric part, the “travel around the world exploring and writing” part, undid me. Oh yeah. Oh please.
How big do I want to be? Big. As in, I want to live a big life, not on a stage but in terms of embracing this magical life with gusto, grace and gratitude…and the freedom to move about.
What am I now doing about it? I’m taking baby steps, learning new technology, writing my heart out, listening to the Divine. The steps may seem small but they are consistently in the direction I want to go. Those baby steps are growing me in big ways and bringing me the results I seek.
Travel around the world, exploring and writing.
Yes. That’s it. I’ll gladly rock it! Listen for my music…
I receive Notes from the Universe daily. Created by Mike Dooley, these brief emails remind me that I’m not journeying through life alone. I’m surrounded by companions, here and in Spirit. And I have Divine guidance that appears in many forms.
The Note this morning caused reflection.
Think of the one area of life that brings you the most discomfort, Cindy, and know that’s where you are ripe for growth.
What Area of Life Causes Discomfort?
I had to think about this note throughout the day. My journey the last ten years has focused on moving Beyond…past fears, comfort zones and limiting beliefs. Parts that were not me have been pruned away so that my true self can flourish and shine.
The area of my life that can still cause me discomfort, albeit relatively minor discomfort now, is speaking up, speaking out, using my voice and being authoritative when I need to be. I’ve practiced avoidance most of my life, due to a strong dislike of confrontation. While it seemed easier to remain silent, the lack of voice created problems.
Use My Voice
In August of this year I explored this area of my life. Unblocking my throat chakra has strengthened my voice tremendously and helped me to speak up rather than remain silent. Read that post Ahem, I Speak My Truth.
My reflections today allowed me to see that my next steps in totally eliminating discomfort are about owning my voice, my ideas, and my authority.
It seems the Divine is ahead of me here, calling me onward. What symbol have I been given for 2019? The Queen chess piece. The queen, whether she is a chess piece or a flesh and blood woman, is powerful. She has great freedom to go where she will and do good or defend or protect. And living breathing queens use their voices.
I’m excited about next year’s journey, as the Queen of Enchantment. I am ripe for growth indeed, in all areas of my life, especially where it concerns speaking up and using my voice. Even the word “enchant” has to do with speaking or singing. It’s all coming together!
I ask you. What area of your life causes you discomfort? Are you ready to grow?
Every morning, I get an email containing a personalized message, from the Universe. Started by Andy Dooley in 1998, Notes from the Universe grew from a subscriber list of 38 to more than 750,000 in 185 countries. I’ve been receiving these emails for ten years. They often make me smile or stir my heart or resonate with me as deep truth.
Such was the case today. I received this note:
“Sometimes, Cindy, instead of running from something scary in your life, it’s easier to learn not to be scared of it. Let it stay. Pull up a chair. Share some iced tea.
Besides, Cindy, you’re bigger… and you have wings.”
I immediately identified with this note, in a very personal way.
Overshadowed by Fear
I grew up afraid of the dark. That’s a common fear for kids. Not being able to see in the dark or anxiety about the unknown is the psychological reason given for this childhood phobia.
However, being a child born with the gift of perceiving the spirit world, my fear was rooted in what I could see and hear and feel in the darkness. As the first born child in my family, I usually had a bedroom to myself. The most terrifying situation for me growing up was waking up in the middle of the night, alone in the darkness.
And…I did not outgrow that fear. I slept with a nightlight or stairwell light on until I was well into my 40s.
I made a decision when I reached my late 40s. Tired of the iron grip terror had on me, I radically shifted. I had never lived alone because of the sense of dread that overcame me each evening as the sun set. To move beyond my fear of the dark, I had to face my fears head on. For the first time in my life, I chose to live on my own and take an inner journey into the very heart of darkness.
It wasn’t easy, however this battle was necessary. At stake was my creativity, my freedom and at the core, my identity. I could not accept who I was while expending huge amounts of energy doing everything I could to avoid scary situations. And trust me, I spent a lifetime attempting to control the elements that triggered fear. I was tired of avoiding, tired of being afraid.
Inviting Fear to Stay
These are the steps I took to move past fear:
• I allowed myself to feel it. I’d spent so many years trying to prevent being afraid. It was time to allow fear to be present. As this morning’s note suggested, I invited fear in.
• Journaling daily helped me to uncover deeper issues. My fear stemmed from being different, from seeing and hearing things other people didn’t. Embracing who I am and accepting my unique gifts allowed me to reframe my fears and gave me a fresh perspective. As fearful as I was, nothing ever hurt me. I began to express gratitude for being me.
• Meditation helped me to calm anxieties and slow my heart rate and breathing. I learned about energy and Divine protection. And I learned how to use energy practices to make myself feel safe, even when alone in the dark.
• I recognized that I was never really alone and that I had been protected my whole life. I consciously asked the Divine to surround me with protective white light and I sent that light throughout my dwelling place, cleansing the space of any low, dark or negative energy. Every night I asked for angels to stand guard at each door and window.
• For a few months, I played music every night as I slept. The sound of the group Third Day was comforting to me, and filled the darkness with praise and songs of worship.
Inviting Fear to Pull Up a Chair
The evening arrived, after months of intense inner work, when I felt ready to invite fear in for a long chat. I turned off all the lights in my home, lit a few white candles and sat quietly in a chair. Then I waited, taking long slow deep breaths, sending out energy, and asking for Divine protection.
When fear showed up, I allowed it to stay, figuratively getting cozy with it. I worked through many emotions that night, and again and again, I looked at fear without flinching. Eventually fear bowed and stepped aide. And beyond it doors that had long been barricaded opened wide, revealing the most amazing gifts.
My life shifted that night. Fear’s icy grip around my heart loosened and then fell away. And my inner child came out of hiding. We continue to get to know each other again, my inner playful, artistic child and I.
Does fear ever show up now? Yes. Fear is a bully. Intimidation is its favorite ploy. But I know what to do when I feel the lightest touch of disquiet. I don’t allow the uneasiness to escalate to full blown terror. Instead, I breathe. Meditate. Ask for Divine protection. Express gratitude. Examine my surroundings to see what’s going on, in this world and the spirit world. And I check in with myself, to see what deeper lessons are being offered in the experience. I prevail.
Fear and I have yet to share a glass of iced tea. However, I brew an excellent cup of hot herbal tea. So pull up a chair, Fear. Stay a while. Teach me what I need to learn. And have a cup of tea. I’ll tell you a story…