Uncle Rex Archives - Cindy Goes Beyond

March 7, 2017

The Mirror of My Uncle’s Heart

My family gathered this morning, and spent the day together, celebrating the life of my uncle, Rex Lauderdale. Brother to my father, Rex was the eldest of six children, born in a relatively short span of years, to Dennis and Grace Lauderdale.

The family lost the youngest child, Margaret, while she was still a toddler. However, the remaining siblings grew up, married, and had families of their own. Seven years ago this month, my father stepped into eternity, following a battle with cancer. Four years ago, this month, Glenda journeyed to meet her brother and her parents. It was at my aunt’s funeral that my cousins and I came up with a plan.

We decided not to wait for another funeral to gather together. Instead, what if we rejoiced with the living? My Uncle Rex loved the idea. We met at his house that July, to celebrate his birthday and his sisters’ birthdays…and a new tradition was born.

I am so grateful that we took action and made that desire to gather together a reality. Since that first birthday party we’ve lost five more family members on the Lauderdale side, including the life of the party himself, Uncle Rex. He slipped away last Wednesday, at the age of 83.

I’ve thought about my uncle so much in the days since I learned of his passing. Dr. Doug Weiss said, “The mirror of a man’s heart is his actions.” How beautifully Uncle Rex’s actions, throughout his life, have reflected his kind and generous heart.

Serving his country in Korea

A cook in the US Army

My childhood memories of my uncle are peppered with his actions…the joy he freely expressed over his family, his infectious laughter, long hours working at the car dealership with his uncle, the kindness he showed to everyone.

Rex was an affectionate man, generous with his hugs and praise. He cared about people, never met a stranger, saw the good in others.

I grew up, along with my cousins, and living our own lives, we all saw less of each other, until that day four years ago when we decided to change that. I was delighted to reconnect with my Lauderdale family. Uncle Rex was as I remembered him, and age had not robbed him of his joy. Rather, it had made him more aware of his blessings.

What his actions reflected to me now was a heart made tender with compassion. He treasured his wife of 60 years, Mary. And he expressed pride in his grown children. While his sense of humor still made us cackle with glee, his tears also flowed freely as he hurt for others, saw the injustices in the world and deeply missed those who had journeyed home.

What my uncle most mirrored was love. I heard others speak highly of him today…how he enjoyed a good visit, helped others, never forgot a name. After my father’s death, he became a substitute dad to my sisters and me. In his actions, we could see our father and hear the echo of our dad’s laughter. Uncle Rex eased our loss, while at the same time, his resemblance to his brother made the ache of missing our father more keenly felt.

I am grateful for connection, and celebrations, and the enduring love of family. I am grateful for my uncle’s laughter and his tears, for his simple enjoyment of peach pie, gardening, fishing and the farming life. I am grateful for his hugs and his soft country drawl, inviting me to come back soon for a visit. I am beyond grateful that I accepted those invitations so often.

My uncle was honored today as we laid his body to rest, with words and tears, with stories and memories, with the playing of taps and the presentation of the US flag to his widow. At his house later, my cousin Michael shared his gratitude as he spoke about his father.

If there were more people like his dad, he said through his tears, the world would be a better place. I agree. And as his niece, as one who saw the heart of the man, I accept that invitation to make a difference. Each of us carries forward a portion of Uncle Rex’s reflection, held dear in our own hearts.

May our actions mirror our hearts, as Rex’s did his. In his name, may we offer compassion and joy and tenderness and peace to each other and to the world. May the warmth of his heart ignite a fire within our own to reach out to others and do good, by being who we are, those who were loved and inspired by Rex Lauderdale.

Enjoy your heavenly reunion, Uncle. Hug my dad for me. And know that this July, we your family will still gather to celebrate life, and Aunt June…and you.

July 16, 2016

Double Birthday Celebration

It’s incredible to believe that we are back around to the July birthday celebration for my Uncle Rex and Aunt June. Much has happened in the past year to make today’s party even more precious. Rex and June are the last two surviving members of their original family. Gone are their parents and their four siblings. At ages 83 and 81, I love that they enjoy celebrating together and having the attention and well wishes of the family gathered around them.

Joining in the festivities today were both of my sisters, Linda and Debbie, my cousin Michael who is Uncle Rex’s son, Aunt Mary…Rex’s wife…and my cousins Denny and Alan, the sons of Aunt June. Everyone contributed food and paper goods, drinks and desserts. Michael and Alan earned high praise for contributing made-from-scratch birthday goodies…making blueberry pies and wacky cake with chocolate buttercream icing, respectively.

I enjoyed an afternoon of visiting with my older family members, and chatting with my sisters and cousins. Uncle Rex and Aunt June were so cute together as they blew out candles on their birthday cake. While they ate a hearty and savory lunch, they were excited to sample the cake, pie and ice cream. I caught Uncle Rex having a second helping of cake.

Watching their antics, and listening to their humorous stories, I realized that this brother and sister have reached the age where their inner children are more apparent. I’m writing with heart-aching transparency as I share that Uncle Rex, Aunt Mary and Aunt June are all experiencing memory loss. That was very evident today as they repeated stories and forgot what they were talking about or wondered about something that had just been discussed.

What was also evident was how in the moment they were, how full of laughter and love and joy, and how easily they dipped into sorrow occasionally as they remembered those who are now gone. My family is amazingly supportive and offered only love and patience and acceptance to these dear elders. No one stopped a story that had been told already, several times. To Rex and June and Mary they were fresh tales, everytime. No one corrected information or expected anything other than what we were experiencing…a family celebration, a rejoicing that these sweet people are still here with us.

Being with my aunt and uncle reminded me that my father, their brother, is no longer with us. I don’t know how many more of these double birthday parties we will get to create, or how many more times we will gather together to laugh and talk and tell stories. As long as they enjoy the festivities, we will continue to meet, for their sakes and ours, and for the love of family. And…for the love of pie and cake!

July 11, 2015

Journey 192: Happy Birthday Uncle Rex and Aunt June

What a special day as family gathered at my uncle’s farm in Oklahoma. Carrying in food and drinks and delicious desserts, we met to celebrate the birthdays of my Uncle Rex, who is about to turn 82, and my Aunt June, who just had her 80th. These precious people are brother and sister, and the siblings of my sweet dad, who passed five years ago.

My family has experienced a lot of loss in recent years, which is all the more reason to join together when we can, party for any reason. Case in point: my Aunt Jeannie, who is June’s twin sister, was unable to join us today, due to her health. We were mindful of her absence and send her love and peace.

We are a boisterous bunch when we gather, and I appreciate Uncle Rex and his wife, Aunt Mary, opening their home to all of us. Their son Mike was present, with his sweetheart Jeanette. From further west in Oklahoma came Aunt June with her sons, Alan and Denny, my sister Debbie and her daughter Ashley, son-in-law Jon and grandsons Ethan and Kaleb. Roy, who will always be part of our family, arrived from Tulsa as well.

The Missouri bunch included my sister Linda with her granddaughter London, my mom, and myself. I love my family, and the way we connect and accept each other. My mom and my dad divorced when I was nine, and yet Mom was welcomed heartily today by my father’s family. That means a lot to me.

My uncle reminds me so much of my dad. It bathes my heart with father-love, being in his presence. He is such a good-natured, good-hearted man. He laughs easily, and tears up just as easily, unafraid to show emotion. He told me this afternoon, as I kissed him goodbye, that these family celebrations are so good for him, so special. That’s all the reason that I need to continue.

My aunt is a sweet and gentle woman whose face and eyes light up when her family is near. I feel very tender toward her, very protective. Her husband, my Uncle Dale, passed away recently. They journeyed long and well together. She told me today, as I stood with my arm around her shoulders, that she misses her husband, thinks of him every day, still talks to him. My heart aches for her loss. I am so grateful that she could join us today.

What an amazing afternoon of feasting and visiting, laughing and telling stories. Some of us even participated in the rescue of small fish that had been washed out of their pond by heavy rains. That is a trait that strongly defines my family members: we care about animals and all life.

I hope and pray for many more of these family gatherings, where love can be expressed among the living. I cherish this time. My desire is to have no regrets later, no if onlys, no I should haves. Only joy.

July 20, 2014

Day 201: Plant Corn

Today my sisters and I, great niece London, niece Ashley, her husband Jon and their boys, Ethan and Kaleb, met at my Uncle Rex’s farm to help out cousin Mike with planting. Mike works so hard every day on the farm, after putting in long hours at his day job. For us city girls, it is not only fun to help out on the farm but beneficial to Mike, as it shortens the time he has to spend out working the ground or harvesting. Today, for my first, I helped to plant corn.

I’ve had small vegetable gardens before. I think once I even planted corn but it didn’t do well. I don’t think I harvested a single ear of corn. Today, I understood better why. There is a process to planting corn. Mike showed us the steps and then we got busy. The only step we did not try was tilling the rows for planting. Mike expertly guides the tiller along, making straight rows. He walks off to the side as he guides the churning machine and I feared I couldn’t maintain enough control as I lack the arm strength Mike has. However, we performed every other step and by the last row, we had a good working system.

After the row is tilled, plant food is scattered over the freshly turned earth and two of us used rakes to work the food into the soil and smooth. Mike showed us how to attach each end of a long cord to short pieces of rebar that stand at either end of the row. Then a metal tape measure is also attached to one rebar and held in place at the other end by a bucket full of dirt…or something. I never actually looked in the bucket! We would move down the row then, poking a hole in the warm soil with our finger, up to the second knuckle, at one foot intervals, dropping a single corn kernel in each hole. After the next row was prepared and the string and tape measure moved, one of us would move down the planted row with a yard rake, shallowly covering the corn.

Planting corn is not hard, but it is wearing on the body. We stretched our backs often and we were very grateful for a large tree to the side of the field which graciously offered its shade. Although the day was the warmest of the past week, there was a good breeze to cool us. We drank ample amounts of water. Work shared goes faster and also gives opportunity for chatting and laughing. Mike supervised us patiently and couldn’t resist grabbing a handful of the precious kernels and helping to plant. I had a new appreciation for the word “cornhole” after poking holes in the earth today and dropping a kernel in! I recently played the lawn game by the same name and understood where the name is derived from.

After planting corn we moved to a long row of bushy green plants and grabbing buckets, picked green beans. The children, who had been splashing in a pool, and Jon, who had been watching them, joined us. Ethan made a game of picking, seeing who could pick the most. I think he won. Mike showed us the maturing eggplant, okra, squash and tomato plants. I can see that there is always planting, harvesting or preparing to do here.

We also celebrated Uncle Rex today, as his birthday is the 22^nd. He seemed to enjoy the company today, and the children made him laugh. We brought lunch in and Uncle Rex enjoyed the peach pie especially. He is a sweet and joyful man with a wonderful sense of humor. I look at his handsome face and I catch a glimpse of my dad as well, who was Uncle Rex’s younger brother. My dad has passed but being with my uncle is a bit like being with my dad. It is bittersweet, the familiarity and yet the missing of him.

Next weekend, my sisters and I will once again meet at the farm and assist Mike in planting watermelons and cantaloupe. It will be a plentiful harvest this fall.

June 29, 2014

Day 180: Dig New Potatoes at the Farm

What a fun weekend….big city first yesterday….today, this small city girl headed to the country. My Uncle Rex and Aunt Mary own a beautiful property in Oklahoma. My sisters and I met my cousin, Mike, at his family farm for a visit and to get our hands dirty. For my first today, I dug up new potatoes.

I’ve always been a city girl. I lived in Tulsa, Oklahoma as a child, moved to a small town in Missouri during my teen years and have enjoyed living in Joplin most of my adult life. I like the conveniences of living in town. And yet, I am drawn to the earth. I love gardening and growing plants. While I tend to focus primarily on flowers and herbs now, I also enjoy vegetable gardening. I’ve grown the easy, traditional veggies such as tomatoes and squash and green peppers. I’m not as experienced with such plants as potatoes, peas and berries.

My cousin and uncle have a large kitchen garden on their farm. Mike works long hours at his day job and then spends his evenings and Sunday afternoons tending to the many tasks around the farm and garden. Since Linda and I were in Tulsa this weekend and headed home to Joplin anyway today, we decided that we would stop by the farm on the way home. Debbie joined in the fun by driving out with us from Tulsa and then returning home again later in the day.

Dressed in casual clothes and wearing ball caps to shield our eyes and faces, we gathered in the garden, eager to help out. Mike brought buckets for picking and we spent the early afternoon filling them with ripe, luscious blackberries. I’ve picked berries before. This was fun and we popped quite a few juicy blackberries into our mouths as we worked our way along the heavily laden bushes. We were grateful for cool breezes and an overcast day. It was perfect work-in-the-garden weather.

Mike showed us all that was growing in the garden and patiently explained the growing cycles and what was finishing up and what he still needed to plant. We moved to the rows of Golden Yukon and Red Potatoes. This was something I had not done before, dig up potatoes. Mike demonstrated how to turn the plant with a garden fork. And then we each had an opportunity to wield the fork. It was very satisfying to sink the tines of the large fork into the rich brown earth and turn the soil, exposing golden or red potatoes. They were easy to pick from the roots of the plant. We carried large 5 gallon buckets along with us and plopped the potatoes into the containers. I loved the feel of the warm moist dirt on my hands and the fragrance of the freshly turned earth.

Speared one, accidently

We enjoyed our afternoon of picking berries and unearthing potatoes. It was fun to chat with our cousin and catch up on family news as we worked. Mike not only let us take home a generous supply of blackberries and potatoes, but cooked an amazing meal for us all too. He grilled steaks, squash and corn on the cob and had prepared large pots of green beans and new potatoes and purplehull peas before we arrived. What an amazing meal and except for the steaks, it was all from the garden, this year’s and frozen produce from last summer’s bounty. He even surprised us with homemade blueberry and blackberry pies, from berries he had picked the day before.

I’m back in the city tonight, tired from an afternoon of harvesting and still full from that wonderful meal. It was so good to see my cousin and visit with my uncle and aunt, listening to family stories and laughing over my uncle’s escapades. They are kind hearted people full of grace and wisdom. I love and appreciate them and in a couple of weeks, I’ll be back! It’s time to learn to plant corn and drive a tractor.

Cousin Mike and sisters, Debbie and Linda, on the farm

A good afternoon of work