On the second day of my Year of Surrender I encountered resistance. That didn’t take long to pop up! And yet I am so grateful for both the experience and the awareness to realize what I was doing.
All parties involved have given me permission to share this story. Are you comfortable? Good, then I’ll begin this short but crucial tale of surrender vs resistance.
Last night, after viewing Star Wars: The Force Awakens, our little group consisting of me, Linda, Roy, and Greg went to dinner at the buffet style restaurant, Golden Corral. Roy surprised me by very graciously picking up the tab for all four of us. I appreciated his kindness and Greg and I offered to pay for dinner Saturday evening. That’s fair, right? And responding to generosity by being generous in return.
Except that I woke up this morning with a thought. First thoughts are interesting as they are often the result of my subconscious working through the night on an issue or uncovering a deeper truth.
The thought was, “What if Linda and Roy pick Red Lobster as the restaurant for tonight?”
Anyone who know my sister knows that’s one of her favorite places to eat. But it’s not my favorite or Greg’s. And it’s a more expensive restaurant than Golden Corral, yet I did offer to pay. My thoughts began to spin out a story about something that had not even happened yet.
And that’s when I noticed it. This dragging sensation, as if my symbolic canoe was barely scraping over submerged rocks. I was creating resistance with my thoughts, weighing myself down with concern over where we would eat. I had just exited the flow of life and was paddling upstream, in shallow water riffling over boulders.
I am extremely thankful that my awareness kicked in. I physically and energetically felt the subtle effect of my resistance, and immediately released my line of thinking. How ridiculous it was anyway. If Linda chose Red Lobster, so be it. I’d try something different from their extensive menu and Greg would too. The cost wasn’t an issue. I wanted to focus instead on being present with people who are dear to me. Where we ate, and what I ate, didn’t matter at all.
The drag my resistance had created dropped away. I was back in the flow, traveling light and free.
And where did we eat? Not at Red Lobster. Roy selected Texas Roadhouse and we had a great meal together, laughing and chatting as we dined. I had smothered chicken and it was delicious.
I’m glad I had the opportunity to experience resistance today. Doing so taught me that any time I feel myself struggling…lost in the past or creating stories about a future that hasn’t happened yet…I am taking myself out of the flow of life. I have figuratively picked up my oar and I’m paddling upstream or toward shore. I don’t want to do either.
My first lesson this year came early. When navigating the river of life, watch out for drag, which indicates I’m experiencing resistance. Who is creating the resistance? I am. And knowing that, I can correct it, let go, and head downstream again, fully engaged, and in the flow.
