Testing My Belief

Just two days ago I sorted through my underlying fear around my ability to carry out a creative idea I have for a coloring book. I stared that fear of failure down. And I came up with a working title for the coloring book, which was my action for the day, my arrow of desire. I felt good about what I learned about myself that day and about my determination to follow through on my idea. “I believe I can do this”, I said. 

Today I drew this creative activity:

Draw components for coloring book. 

“Are you kidding me?” I asked aloud.

For the first time since I began this artistic adventure, I was tempted to drop this slip of paper back into the glass pitcher and draw another one. Who would know? 

This activity seemed to arrive too soon even though I had felt ready to move forward on this project two days ago. Truthfully, when I thought about it, the timing was perfect for drawing this second action step. Here was a “strike while the iron is hot” nudge to keep my resolve firm.

Long busy day or not, sketching was what I had drawn for today’s creative activity. If I returned the action and drew another, no one would know. Except I would. The Divine would. We agreed to play with creativity this month. We agreed this was for my growth and that this month is a preview of a future possibility. I held to integrity. 

As I sketched late this evening, making quick impressions of various objects that could find their way into Beautiful Wandering: A Coloring Adventure, my mind quieted. The sketches aren’t great. I need a lot of practice. However, I know I have the ability within me, rusty with disuse, but it’s in there. I will draw every night. I will draw, and draw, and draw some more, exercising that creative muscle gently but consistently, until it is well developed again.

“Are you kidding me?” I asked this morning. 

Tonight in the stillness I heard the Divine. 

“Were YOU kidding me?” 

Ah…no. Tears filled my eyes. I wasn’t kidding. I want to open creatively in this area. I want to birth this idea, and birth it I will, with blood and sweat and tears and messy starts and stops. And I will also birth it into life, with deep love and joy. 

The labor pangs have begun.