Finding Your Big Why

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I first heard about finding your big why ten years ago, in a Keller Williams sponsored class called BOLD. More than training on real estate, the objective of the class was to create a life worth living through shifts in mindset and daily practices that support who we are and what we desire to do.

At that time my big why focused more on an immediate desire…to take my oldest grandchild on a trip to Italy for his high school graduation gift. Looking back now, I realize that wasn’t a big enough why. However, we did travel to Italy four years later…Dayan, my daughter and me.

What I’ve learned since that class is to keep going deeper, to discover the BIG WHY beneath all the other desires and dreams.

I’m here to help you, in finding your big why as well.

Finding Your Big Why title meme

What is a Big Why?

So, what is a big why?

A big why is the strong motivation for doing what you do. It’s not just a goal or a wish, it’s more expansive than that. The big why connects to life purpose and it is what gets you out of bed in the morning and keeps you going, when life gets tough.

Your big why can change as you grow and as life shifts. However, it always aligns with who you are…your most authentic self…and with want you want to do and why you want to do it. Plus it grows beyond you, to include your impact on others and the world.

As a parent with young children, your big why is likely to focus on raising decent human beings. As the kids grow and you experience growth too, the big why shifts to something even BIGGER.

Ultimately, your big why helps you create a life that you love.

“He who has a why can endure any how.”  Frederick Nietzsche

Finding Your Big Why travel
Finding Your Big Why – travel isn’t my big why however it’s an important component of it

Finding Your Big Why Through Reflection

When finding your big why, a time of reflection is helpful.

Grab a pen and a notebook and start by asking yourself these five questions:

  1. Who am I, right now at this stage in my life?
  2. What lights me up and makes my heart sing?
  3. What do I do best?
  4. Where do I add value?
  5. What matters most to me?

Let’s look at each of these questions briefly.

It’s important to know who you are, who you really are. Detach from labels such as “parent”, “spouse”, “teacher”, etc. At a heart and soul level, who are you? Write phrases that begin with “I am….”. I am compassionate or I am a big thinker. I am drawn to nature or I am a solitary person.

What makes your face light up and joy bubble out of your heart? List those things. You know you are on the right track when people tell you that your face lights up when you talk about a certain subject.

What natural talents and gifts to you have? Are you creative? Do you come up with out of the box solutions to problems? If you feel stuck, look at what you excelled at as a child or teen. Those are natural abilities.

In situations, what values do you add? Are you clear thinking and logical? Intuitive and insightful? What strengths do you offer to others?

And finally, what is MOST important to you? Saving animals? Teaching others? Expressing compassion? If you could do anything, without money as a concern, what would you do?

Finding Your Big Why therese
Finding Your Big Why – Therese living her big why…helping others learn about Charleston

Charting Out Your Big Why

Dr. Margie Warrell says that our life’s work and purpose sits at the intersection of talents, skills or expertise, passions and values.

On another page in your notebook, draw a circle in the middle of the page and label it PURPOSE.

Draw four lines outward from the circle and connect them to four large circles. Label each one: TALENTS, SKILLS, PASSIONS, VALUES

Free write in each category. Add your talents, the skills that you have, what you are passionate about and your core values. Look for repetition. Look for overlap.

When I did this exercise writing popped up in three categories, letting me know that it is an important part of my big why.

Finding Your Big Why chart
Finding Your Big Why – chart out your talents, skills, passions and values

Asking Why

Now, armed with your reflections and greater clarity about your purpose, write down what you want.

Then ask why you want that. Write another sentence, explaining the why. Then ask why again…and again…and again, until you get to the Big Why.

Remember, you aren’t looking for inspiration here. You are looking for the motivation that powers you through discouragement, difficult circumstances or the desire to quit.

Here’s an example:

I want to travel and work remotely, from anywhere in the world, making a fabulous income. Why?

I want to experience solo adventures and also take my children, grandchildren and other family members on trips. Why?

I want to expand my perspectives and other people’s perspectives too. Why?

I want to see life in bigger, more meaningful ways and live differently. Why?

I want to live life beyond fears, comfort zones and limiting beliefs. Why?

I want to live life beyond fears, comfort zones and limiting beliefs so that through my experiences and my writing, I can help others do the same.

Finding Your Big Why charleston
Finding Your Big Why – my solo adventures are a way of living my big why

Living in Alignment with Your Big Why

I want to live life beyond fears, comfort zones and limiting beliefs so that through my experiences and my writing, I can help others do the same.

That sentence is my big why. It’s evolved over the last few years.

Everything else in my life connects to my big why. Travel, blogging, what I post on social media, solo adventures, creativity, my plant based lifestyle, spending time with my family…all of it connects.

Travels and adventures continually push me beyond my fears, comfort zones and limiting beliefs. Blogging and posting on social media are forms of writing that allow me to creatively express my truths and stories. My plant based lifestyle fuels my body so that I have the energy to do all the things I want to do. And I live my life as an example to my children and grandchildren, not so they do what I do but so they see what it looks like when someone follows their passions and lives an expansive life.

Every thing I do is in alignment with my big why. If it’s not in alignment then I’m pulled out of my purpose and my passion. There is a deep knowing that forms in the gut, an instinctive knowing that I can tap into, when I’m feeling out of the flow of my own life. That knowing guides me back into alignment with myself. It helps me say YES! to new opportunities and no to what does not align.

What is Your Big Why?

Using the info above, I hope you can craft your own big why. I’d love to know what yours is, if you want to share it in the comments below.

Write your big why and keep it in a place that is easily seen every day. My big why has become the tagline to my blog…and my life. Plus, I’ve written it as an affirmation as well.

“I am living life beyond the edges of fears, comfort zones and limiting beliefs so that through my example and my writing, I can help others do the same.”

Go deep within, to discover your big why, and then broadcast it outward, into the world. Let it powerfully motivate you and influence every part of your life.

And if you have any questions, please ask me!

Finding Your Big Why cindy
I’ve living my Big Why, which has become extremely important during my Year of the Wild Woman.

 

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9 Replies to “Finding Your Big Why”

  1. I love those reflection questions to finding your why. I’ll have to give this a try. It’s always nice to have some concrete guidance and introspection!

  2. Love your question and answer and systematically working through everything and coming to your OWN why. You for sure have me thinking now. Thanks for sharing your post at Bog & Inspire FB Group.
    Post RT

  3. I’m transitioning right now. Two of my four children are in college. The other two soon will be. After my children being my “why” for so long, I will be sure to use the process you suggested as I look on to the wonderful years ahead of me!

  4. Great post! Food for thought. I still have a couple of young kids at home, so my why still has to do with parenting. In a few years, we will need to re-evaluate. I love your system though. I find writing things down makes it more clear to see. (I have always been a visual learner).

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